Obama's First 100 Minutes in Office, as described by Mad Magazine or Comedy Central, or I'm really not sure who.

The Secret

A review of The Secret from Amazon:

Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.

At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.
My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be [...] raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.

The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness actually made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

Artifact from the Future

I find Wired's Artifacts from the Future particularly relevant given my interest in Ethical Eating.

George Carlin on Mad TV

This is funny. I loved George Carlin. Saw him do standup a couple of times.

If the Matrix was on Windows

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Befriend a geek

Truck & SUV Sales Are Back Up

In a remarkable turn of American stupidity it appears that sales of SUVs and trucks are back up again, based on this article from CNN. I guess people don't learn from the past.

I am starting to think that the conspiracy talk I have heard about how the oil companies and OPEC manipulate gas prices might be true. The theory says that gas prices go up, people start buying and making fuel efficient cars, then OPEC reduces gas prices to drive the fuel efficient cars out of business, and then prices go back up.

This happened in the 70s, with the oil crisis then. After having to wait on line to get their gas rations people started buying smaller, more efficient cars. Then gas prices came down and everyone started buying big SUVs and trucks, and then rinse and repeat.

I find it remarkably stupid that people are going to fall for this again. You must be incredibly short sighted to think that gas prices are going to stay down. I guess Americans are blinded by the "great deals" the automakers are offering. Apparently these incentives are enough to make people forgot about the imminent bankruptcy.

I am reminded of someone I once knew who would buy anything if it seemed she was getting a good deal. She would go to Walmart for a tube of toothpaste and come out with $200 worth of junk, but all of the junk was "on sale," so she thought that by not buying it she would be "losing money." (I say "on sale" because for all I know the stores are just making up "full prices" and putting them next to things to make it seem like the sticker price is a discount.) It's kind of a twisted way to look at things, but it's perfectly in line with being a good little consumer and credit card user, as we are instructed to be by corporate america.