Friday, September 28, 2007
Startup Flash Game
And here is someone who wants to do a reality show type thing to determine who gets funding and who doesn't. The "wisdom of crowds" is a well established fact but we also have notable exceptions, like George Bush and most of the American Idol winners.
Some other random stuff:
Top Ten Joe Pesci Beatings (from Cracked)
This is what it's like to be Britney Spears - no wonder she is so crazy. Poor girl.
I don't eat meat and this is pretty much why...
And for my own personal reference, how to get a book published.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Startups and Funding (A Cautionary Tale)
What strikes me the most is how an unscrupulous investor totally screwed us over by formulating a deal which would allow him to pocket millions while screwing us. He had obviously been planning this since the beginning since the terms of the deal contained many bizarre terms that, to me, screamed out "I am going to screw you over!" But I guess the "founders" were too blinded by the site of a couple million dollars to really think about the future. This guy's plan was to "financially engineer" an artificial valuation for our company, and everyone thought he was the bee's knees until he screwed us over, except for me - I never really trusted him at all.
Once the plan put in place by this investor (who has a reputation for doing this with companies) and the company and stock structure was in place the "founders" went out and started finding other investors. They did the whole dog and pony roadshow thing, at a ridiculous valuation for our company of $600 million. But they raised a good amount of money - most of which went right back into their pockets. It seems that the "founders" were not quite as stupid as one might have thought, and had arranged for themselves to be owed money by the company, payable either in monthly installments or once $x million had been raised. Some of the founders went even further and did their own private placement, the proceeds of which were ostensibly to pay off debt from their old company, but which actually went directly into their pockets.
So the "founders" made millions of dollars, in addition to their high salaries and ridiculous severance packages, right off the bat. I should have gotten 5% of those millions but they kind of screwed me out of that. Nevermind though, because they ended up giving me .5% of the company instead of the 5% I had originally been promised, which under the initial ridiculously high valuation of the company was worth several million dollars.
The plan put in place by this devious investor involved bypassing an IPO and becoming public through a reverse merger which allowed us to bypass FCC regulations and become public way before we were ready. We became public well before our stock was even registered to be able to be traded, which kept the valuation artificially high. Once the registration statement went through the price immediately dropped as 99% of the shares became tradeable.
Since then the price has dropped to 0.0167% of it's original price, the price which had been used for the first round of financing. A bunch of people lost a lot of money, including me, because I foolishly held on to 95% of my stock hoping it would go back up after the initial dive. I wish to god now I had sold more of it, even 10% would have made for a nice cushion and savings that would come in really handy now, but no, I just sold the bare minimum I needed to pay off my credit cards and other loans. The only people who made money were the initial investors and the founders, who had to defer their fat salaries as the company started to run out of money and the creditors came knocking. The problem was that since we were public, and so thinly traded that anyone can move the stock price around with a few hundred shares to trade, and the stock price was so low, they couldn't raise money anymore. If we were private I am sure we would have a high valuation and VCs lined up out the door as we have a great idea and a great product. But being public, and having this first investor holding the share price down, we would have to sell 1/2 of the company to raise even a couple million dollars.
The next chapters in this book are yet to be written. The company recently got its main new backer to extend the terms of the deal which we used to borrow money from them. Other people have been interested in the company but the terms of the deal with this new backer make it ridiculously stupid for anyone to invest in us. As far as I know the "founders" salaries are still deferred, though they may have paid themselves once the new deal was put into place.
This makes me think that they way to get rich is to start a company and make sure you have deals in place that ensure you get paid no matter what happens with the company. It might scare off some investors (I nearly peed my pants when I read the first 8k and finally learned about all of these backroom deals) but as long as you can get someone to invest you can still make money without having to do anything. Of course the people who lose are the people who invest in your company, but they presumably have enough money that it's not going to hurt them too badly.
As soon as I come up with a salable idea this is exactly what I am going to do.
Thursday Assorted Junk
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Random Stuff on a Wednesday
Comcast says what everyone else is thinking. I actually have never watched the show and have no intention of ever doing so.
More on cheating Japanese housewives. To quote Ari Gold "I love a liar but I hate a cheat."
LL Bean
African-American Boycott of L.L. Bean Enters 80th Year
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Degeneration of the English Language
I've read about how some schools have been allowing students to submit papers and essays written in text speak, and this bothers me. It hurts my ears to hear someone say "I ain't never seen it" when they want to say "I did not see it" or "I don't want no more of that" or even "seen" instead of "saw," as in "I seen it earlier." Those all hurt my ears and offend my delicate sensibilities because of their blatant abuse of the English language and proper grammar.
When I interview people for jobs if someone came in and said any one of the things I listed above I would immediately reject them off hand. And my step-son speaks like that. At first I thought it was just a phase but then I realized that that is how his grandparents and great-grandparents speak so why would he speak properly? It embarasses me if we are out in public and he or my wife uses improper grammar.
Yes, I actually sit around and think about this stuff. It reminds me of the controversy in the late 80s about the measures France took to preserve the integrity of its language. At the time it seemed ridiculous and closed-minded but now it seems very prescient. I don't know anything about the use of "text speak" in France but I would wager it is nowhere near what it is in the US.
Hopefully as phones get more advanced and get full keyboards some of the advantages of abbreviating everything will be lost. But by that time the laziness of text speak will probably be irreparably engraved in the minds of a good number of Americans.
They say that due to the obesity epidemic we may, for the first time in history, have a generation with a shorter life-expectancy than its parents. I would say that it appears that our culture is degenerating pretty rapidly as well. People are just plain stupid these days and most of them do not get a decent education. I have some other theories about degeneration, specifically de-evolution of a biological nature, that I don't want to get into as it might be considered somewhat sensitive and offensive.
Bottom line - we are all going to hell in a handbasket.
Tuesday Morning Round-Up
Top Ten Worst 80s Cartoon Adaptations (from Cracked)
Stills from the Simpsons and the movies they are from
Apparently Friendster is still big in China... I didn't even know it was still around. MySpace and Facebook should really be paying royalties to Friendster or whoever did that first.
This is possibly the stupidest idea I have ever heard of. I thought the credit crunch was supposed to hamper the private equity companies to the point where they don't have millions to throw at stupid ideas:
This, on the other hand, seems like a good idea, if Google hadn't bought it. And I also heard that the "phone number for life" was really only a "phone number until they decide to change it on you or the company goes out of business or gets sold." But it's a good idea.
And I've seen this before, and maybe even posted it here, but it is still very funny:
Monday, September 24, 2007
How Apple Sells Stuff
In other news, I just watched an interview with Mark Zuckerberg by Michael Arrington. Yawn. Some Facebook people share my opinion of Zuckerberg. Though this particular guy sounds like he just might be trying to drum up good press. "All he cares about is the users..." Please.
Ahmadinejad Bashed
My opinion, he is kind of crazy, but he still deserves to be treated cordially, as he is the "leader" of Iran (I use the quotes because he is the sectarian leader, the religious one might actually be calling the shots, although I do find that a bit unlikely).
He will be speaking at the UN tomorrow. I don't think many people really take him all that seriously, but you kind of have to as Iran has a nuclear program. I'm not going to discuss any specific views of his because I don't even want to dignify them with a mention, but he's a bit loony. And probably rather dangerous as well.
Top Ten Worst Apple Ads
And today's random weird Japanese article.
Marcel Marceau Dead
McBain on a Monday Morning
And some nonsensical stuff from John Barlow, ex-Grateful Dead lyricist.
Friday, September 21, 2007
A new watermark in douche baggery
Baby Boomers
And apparently Berne is a fun city to visit. I've never been to the German part of Switzerland, and the Swiss Romande (French speaking) tend to not like the Swiss Germans. Which I find extremely amusing considering that Switzerland is a tiny little country and that most people in the US don't even know what language the Swiss speak (I've heard Swedish as a guess many, many times). So the few people in this tiny little country don't even like each other. I don't know why I find that so amusing.
On a similar note - my wife is from California. We live in NY now. I know a lot of people in California, most of whom moved there from the east coast. They never complain. But my wife always talks about what a culture shock it is, how NYers drive differently, etc. Is this a west coast thing? Thinking that things are totally different in every other state? Because I see absolutely no difference between drivers anywhere in this country, this continent actually, and as far as I can tell California is not that different from NY.
I've heard that people who go to the West Coast from the East Coast can be happy but the opposite is not true. In Switzerland they talk about "those crazy French drivers," but those are different countries. I have never, ever heard anyone in NY talk about how people in other states drive badly.
I find the whole thing very bizarre because I have lived in other places and pretty much everywhere has been roughly the same. I would not make any generalizations on the people based on what state or region they live in. Maybe what neighborhood in NYC, or even the city, but not the state. Not even the country. Canada is pretty much just like the US, only with better medical coverage.
Maybe I have a different perspective because I am from Switzerland so I have a more international view of things, but I find the whole thing very perplexing. Does anyone here make generalizations or stereotypes of people based on what state or coast they live on (other than the cliche of all northern Californians being high and/or gay and the cliche about NYers being rude, both of which are true to a degree).
Friday is Here!
Goldman Sachs did what I wished I had known how to do - they set up short positions in CDOs, specifically MBSs (collateralized debt obligations and mortgage backed securities). And they made a fortune. If I had known that was possible I could also have made a fortune. Actually I knew it was possible I just didn't know how to do it. I still don't know if small investors can short CDOs or if you need billions of dollars to get someone to let you do that.
More weirdness from Japan.
Advice on selling stuff online from Seth Godin.
More on the internet and sex.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Cheese
PETA Ad (and Economy)
Alicia Silverstone’s Sexy Veggie PSA
Order a FREE vegetarian starter kit at GoVeg.com
On another note there was an article in the WSJ today about how many people think that the Fed rate cut was the fed bailing out the idiots who took out the stupid mortgages. I'm not sure why they think that. Those people who's ARMs are just kicking in are still going to pay higher payments. The reason that they are defaulting is because the permanent rates kicked in after the teaser rates expired. The Fed cut may give them a bit more breathing room but it's not going to help all that much.
I am undecided on this issue. On one hand during the whole real estate boom I kept saying to anyone who would listen that ARMs and Interest Only mortgages were stupid and they would have foreclosures jumping in 2007 so it gives me some pleasure to see the idiots who went ahead and bought houses they couldn't afford anyway.
On the other hand I know a lot of those idiots and times are tough out there. I make a decent salary and have a reasonable mortgage but I still have a very difficult time making ends meet. The basic budget leaves us with $0 discretionary money each month, so every little pack of gum we buy either goes to debt or from savings.
I think the Fed was more concerned with hedge funds collapsing and banks going under than with the average joe-interest-only-mortgage. While I am undecided on the issue of the fed "bailing out" idiots and speculators (the latter should not be bailed out) I do think that the rate cut was a very good move as the credit crunch was threatening to freeze up global financial markets.
LOL Secretz
New Yorkers are starting to like cars as much as the rest of the country. Next I see the obesity rate in NY going up and the life expectancy going down.
The new show that everyone is talking about, even though I don't know if it has aired yet, is Gossip Girl, which apparently is already making lots of product placement deals. I will never watch the show (unless my wife gets into it, which she won't, because she only watches VH1 and E) so I don't really care. But yay product placement! We need more of that!
Houses and Stocks
Then the professors examined the returns of the CEOs' stocks, and discovered that the bigger the home, the worse the stock performed. In 2005, the stocks of companies whose CEOs lived in larger homes (i.e., above the average for all CEOs) returned, on average, 3.35 percent less than companies whose CEOs lived in below-average homes. And the CEOs who lived in the biggest homes (at least 10,000 square feet or over 10 acres) underperformed their peers who inhabited more modest homes by 6.9 percent, on average.
Now read the news about Google CEO Eric Schmidt's plans to buy an expensive apartment in NYC.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Married People and the Internet
In my experience the internet doesn't mix well with relationships. You can read many stories about how Facebook and Myspace has killed marriages and relationships.A married couple who didn't realise they were chatting each other up on the Internet are divorcing.
Sana Klaric and husband Adnan, who used the names "Sweetie" and "Prince of Joy" in an online chatroom, spent hours telling each other about their marriage troubles...
The truth emerged when the two turned up for a date. Now the pair, from Zenica in central Bosnia, are divorcing after accusing each other of being unfaithful.
"I was suddenly in love. It was amazing. We seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriage. How right that turned out to be," Sana, 27, said.
Adnan, 32, said: "I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years".
And something about the ridiculous tax system that has Warren Buffet and that guy who made $2 billion last year at a hedge fund paying lower taxes than me and the grocery clerk guy.
It seems that the current mentality regarding web technology is "build an audience, sell your company, and let the buyer worry about making money." There are plenty of buyers but as far as I know none of them are making any money. This if mostly because no one has successfully figured out how to monetize web video. You can put in ads, but I know for myself, if I have to watch an ad and can't fast forward it, I won't watch the video. It's just not worth the hassle to me.
Apparently some pretty big players think differently because they are betting a lot of money on online video but I don't see it happening. Today the NY Times gave up its "Times Select" for pay news model and made everything free again. People on the internet expect free stuff.
Back in the early 1990s I told someone that the internet was great, but no one has figured out how to make money from it yet. This seemed false during the boom but the collapse reaffirmed the statement. Then the web 2.0 boom made it seem false again. And I expect that we will once again see that it is true. There are a lot of things the internet is good for - branding, online shopping, information, maps, directions - but making money through advertising is not one of them, despite what the stories about the internet advertising industry would have you believe.
It's all a house of cards. Google works because people want to see relevant search results and doesn't care if someone paid for them there. It is unobtrusive. Banner ads can be ignored, interstitial ads can not, and accordingly I hate them. Video ads would be even worse than interstitials, unless the content was something I really wanted to see, because I can barely justify spending more than 2 minutes watching a video online now, add in a commercial and I'll just pass.
And - Micro-Machine man, telling his life story:
Mash-ups and re-edits of old 80s cartoon favorites.
And something about tech tramps.
Monday, September 17, 2007
NYC Housing Market
Man Dies After Gaming Binge
BEIJING, China -- A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday.
The 30-year-old man fainted at a cyber cafe in the city of Guangzhou Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.
Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.
The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing.
The report said that about 100 other Web surfers "left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man's death."
China has 140 million Internet users, second only to the U.S.. It is one of the world's biggest markets for online games, with tens of millions of players, many of whom hunker down for hours in front of PCs in public Internet cafes.
Several cities have clinics to treat what psychiatrists have dubbed "Internet addiction" in users, many of them children and teenagers, who play online games or surf the Web for days at a time.
LBO Funds
Managing a hedge fund is really my dream job, although I'm not sure how good I would be at it considering how I have been doing in my own private portfolios. But having billions of dollars to work with would seem to make things a lot easier. If you cut your losses quickly and let your winners run you should be able to make money just buying random stocks.
There are now at least two hedge funds in the small office complex I work in, one of which rents out half of the whole bottom floor of one building for the manager's personal gym, so obviously he is swimming in money. I have a hard time paying the $100 monthly fee for my gym membership, much less $20,000 a month to rent out my own personal gym.
So I believe that the hedge fund markets are getting overly saturated and profits will start to die out as there is too much money out there chasing after vanishing amounts of profit. The time to start a hedge fund was about 10 years ago - now it is too late.
Here is the link to the actual story, which you need to be a subscriber to read.
Late to Work on Monday Morning
How we know that MTV hates us. I absolutely hate MTV and all of the channels that my wife loves to watch that show vapid entertainment "reality shows" and "news." This article confirms that I am not alone. And here is another one about how MTV screwed the music business over. I have also written about the image thing in music and how much I dislike that it is now the prevalent model.
Cases of unexpected TV nudity.
If I was on Facebook I would totally commit Facebook Suicide. Actually I am on it but I never use it. I believe my feelings on Facebook have been made perfectly clear.
The TechCrunch40 conference list of "featured companies" or whatever they are calling it. Yawn.
Add this to the long list of signs of the upcoming apocalypse - Nair is now targetting young girls:
Now Nair, the depilatory maker, is finally breaking that mold — by aiming at even younger customers. This year the company introduced Nair Pretty, a line aimed at 10- to 15-year-olds or, in industry parlance, “first-time hair removers.”
Verizon is unhappy with the FCC trying to create an open wireless network and they are suing to try to block it. This is why our cell phone technology in this country is so backwards compared to the rest of the world.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Finally Friday is Here Again
Should Americans Return To A Simpler, Stone Age Lifestyle?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Mortgage
Nationally... more than one third of mortgage holders — 37 percent, up from 35 percent in 2005,
or a rise of more than 1.5 million households — spent at least 30 percent of their gross income on housing costs, the level many government agencies consider the limit of affordability.
“Maybe it all means that housing is not as smart an investment for as many people as we thought,” said Matt Fellowes, a scholar in metropolitan policy at the Brookings Institution. “Stocks perform better than houses over time. Maybe the American dream should be building wealth in general, not building a certain type of wealth, which we see is narrow and dangerous.”
Tired on a Thursday
Buy your friend a drink, possibly the dumbest idea ever.
And Kanye's meltdown. As is policy, I have no comment:
Second Life having a second wind? I've never played it, I do have a character on it, and I never really saw any point to it. A friend of mine does "virtual consulting" for real world businesses on how to build presences in Second Life. Apparently people will pay for that. People are stupid.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Kicking Myself For Dumb Mistakes
My next big mistake was about a year ago. I was involved with a start-up company from the beginning and they gave me equity in it. Through some complex financial maneuvers I had the opportunity to cash out for a pretty high value. Due to restrictions I couldn't have cashed all of my equity in at that high value, but I still would have been sitting pretty. I didn't sell because the value had been going down pretty much consistently since it had value and I expected it to go back up.
Now that equity is virtually worthless and I kick myself every single day for not selling more of it when I had the chance. It wasn't a lot of money I could have made but we could have bought my wife's dream house with it - in cash no less.
Maybe this is why I get so angry when I hear about Zuckerberg turning down billions of dollar worth of offers. A friend of mine put it best - do you still wear a seat belt even though you are a good driver? Yes you do, because you would rather be safe than dead, and if I was Zuckerberg I would have sold to Yahoo in a heartbeat, taken my money and gone home and counted it.
The moral of this story is - if you ever have anything worth money you need to take steps to ensure that you don't lose that value. Set limits and stick to them.
Wednesday Crap
More Japanese weirdness.
Ridiculous, overpriced schools apparently serve ridiculous meals.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tuesday Morning
Last night when I got home I discussed the Britney Spears thing with my wife (its our version of discussing politics or the current events or "real" news.) We agreed that while the performance was terrible Britney was not by any means "fat," or, as my wife put it, "I wish I could be that 'fat!'" Says Janice Min, editor of Us Weekly (my wife's version of the WSJ): "Did she look better than 99 percent of women? Yes," added Min. "But compared to her earlier form, she probably didn't look as good." I would still do her, if she wasn't all slutty and diseased and everything.
New movie on Funny or Die. I haven't had time to watch the whole thing yet but the first two minutes seem amusing. Note to people making web videos - Five minutes is about the extent of my attention span for watching silly clips online:
And a clip from my new favorite show of the moment, Flight of the Conchords:
And an anti-piracy ad:
Monday, September 10, 2007
Housing Market Is Bad
Monday Roundup
Britney Spear's much maligned performance at last night's VMAs. My wife was saying this weekend that she thinks she is old because she no longer watches the VMAs. She's obsessed with her age. She thinks that 25 is over the hill. I don't even remember when people started calling them to VMAs so I guess that makes me on the verge of death from old age.
Some pictures from the NYP (with really mean comments). And here is an embeddable video of it:
And an old skit from SNL. I usually am morally and philosophically opposed to celebrity gossip but I'm too tired to care about that today.
And to counteract the mildly unfunny SNL clip above, some classic SNL:
I don't remember what this was... Oh wait, it was an internet movie about other internet movies and clips and memes and what not. Seems like these silly little viral things are getting kind of meta.
Friday, September 07, 2007
FaceBook App Update
Thursday, September 06, 2007
One Last Apple Update
MisShapes
Even More on Apple
Excerpt:
Q: Many people already have Beatles music on CDs. Will they really buy it online if they already own it?
A: I do expect them to, yes. That's been the case with other music, as well.
I own every Bob Dylan album ever, but I buy a lot of it on iTunes, because I guess I'm just too lazy to rip it from the CD.
Or maybe that's because the $9.99 for the album doesn't really matter much when you have $4.9 billion of them. It does for those of us who don't have billions.
Update - Apparently Apple agrees with everyone's complaining about the iPhone price cut. "We want to do the right thing for our valued iPhone customers," Jobs said. "We apologize for disappointing some of you, and we are doing our best to live up to your high expectations of Apple."
I still don't think Apple is in a good place. And I don't think Jobs feels at all apologetic about this whole thing. He's probably trying to count how many of his billions of dollars are going to be spent refunding the customers.Random News
Nokia targets the people I mentioned before who would be angry about paying a $200 early adopters fee to get their iPhone.
On advertising and TV advertising.
Great article about porn from NY Mag. And a long article about cougars.
More on Apple
This move reeks of desperation. Eliminating the lower priced model makes sense, and reducing the higher priced one to the lower price could make sense as well. At least it could be rationally explained: the lower priced model wasn't selling so they eliminated it and reduced the price of the higher priced model to the lower price. But going lower than the lowest price just underlines how desperate Apple must be.
I really think that Apple is in for a big downturn.
Update - This news from yesterday was apparently Apple's big news that everyone thought would involve the Beatles catalog. They also announced the new iPod touch, which is essentially an iPhone without the phone. And a new iPod nano that doesn't have the shuffle "feature."
Is it enough to save Apple? I think not.
And some guy likes old Macs.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Apple News
I know, I know... More and cheaper storage. I have a 15GB iPod and I can store about half of my MP3 library on it. A lot of the library is stuff I don't even like and have never and would never listen to. And a lot of it is 2-8 hour DJ sets, so it's a lot of music.
I think a 40 GB iPod would be about the most I would ever need. Maybe 60 GB. More than that? Who has that many MP3s that they actually listen to? I can see someone having more than 60 GB of music but listening to it all? Nope.
WiFi? The Firewire cable works just fine for me. It's probably faster than WiFi as well. I don't own any Apple stock but if I did I would have sold it after the iPhone news was released. I actually bought Apple at $18 a few years back, and sold it at $30 and then bought more at $90 and sold at $110 or something. If I'd kept the original stock I would have made a small fortune. But after I lost a large fortune in the dot-com crash I would rather take a profit than lose it all. So I set trailing stop-limits on most of my holdings. Better safe than sorry is my opinion, which means I should really be investing in bonds, which I am actually doing more and more.
Anyway, I digress. Apple seems boring. Maybe it's because I haven't been a Mac user in almost a decade now or maybe it's just me being cynical, but I think that Apple's time is up, and I would be shorting AAPL now.
Update - Apparently Jim Cramer disagrees with me. I would trust his opinion more than mine as far as financial markets and capital allocation are concerned, but I stand by my opinion. I'm not going to be buying AAPL but I'm not going to be shorting it either.
Update 2 - However it appears that the street agrees with me.
Wednesday Roundup
A new dot-com start-up is based on being Facebook before it opened up to non-college students.
How to market OJ's book.
A "Cops" breathalyzer.
Um... Dating advice? Stupid people? I am left without words...
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Long Weekend Roundup
Seth Godin on how hard people really work, this just after the new report that the average American works 1,800 hours a year, which isn't really all that much, but it's a lot more than any other country. That actually works out to less than 40 hours a week, but if it includes unemployed people then it makes sense.
Mark Cuban finally says something I mostly agree with. Actually I agree with a lot of what he says, but not all of it. And some of it I vociferously disagree with.
The Sun, the big tabloid in the UK, just cut its cover price to try to keep its circulation up. Is the celebrity-worshipping-culture bubble about to pop? England has always been the mainstay of the celebrity-worship culture, the one place where the tabloids will always sell and the place where they are completely outrageous and sensational. Is this finally coming to an end? Will I still have to watch E News and VH1 reality shows with my wife or will a merciful end finally come?
I'm not a big fan of video games but to someone who is this might mean something.
This is kind of dark, but funny, from the Onion:
Missing Girl Probably Raped